Not Invisible

I need to be better about writing blogs and posting them before a week has passed.  This one is about things that happened 6 days ago.  It’s still worth sharing though!

My entire life, I have struggled with feeling like nobody notices me, that I am completely invisible.  Whenever someone new appeared in my life, I would automatically put myself on the back burner because I thought that’s what would happen anyway.  Throughout my childhood, I lived in shadows of other people.  I never understood why some people wished they could be invisible because I knew how unpleasant the feeling was.  Well, that same feeling crept in here in the Dominican Republic . . . but God reminded me last Tuesday (June 19) that I am not invisible and what I do matters.

Last Tuesday was the first full day that the second summer team was here at Chadasha.  The group was from Carlisle, Arkansas, and shared a lot of love with all of the children while they were here.  The first morning that they were at the children’s home, they brought face paint, watercolor paints, and Play-Doh.  The children definitely loved every second of it, but it did get a little messy.  Eventually, Play-Doh was being painted, there was paint water on the floor, and nearly everyone had something painted on their face. 

There were some little cookie cutters with the Play-Doh, and many children were making shapes out of them.  Some children were giving them away.  Manda and I both received a green heart from Anderson.  Line also gave me a heart.  Reminder #1 of the day that I’m not invisible.

After dinner that night, I was out hanging clothes to dry at team housing.  Sidebar: Laundry happens a lot here, a whole lot.  Joshua (picture below) was on his way back to the other side of campus for the night.  On his way down the stairs, we had a conversation.  It went like this:

Joshua:  Dana, I wish you lived here.

Me:  I wish I lived here too.  Maybe one day I will, and Tyler will be with me.  Then you’ll have another guy to play with.

Joshua:  And you’ll be here to play with too!!

Me:  Yes, I will.

Joshua:  And then you will birth a child, and I’ll have a baby to play with!!  I hope it’s a boy.  I want a baby boy to play with.

I did not expect him to say that, so I was at a loss for words.  (Vanderly, he is definitely your son.)  I continued the conversation:

Me:  My mom should be with me when I come back in December, and Tyler might come too.  

Joshua:  Then you and Tyler can get married here!!

Again, I was not expecting that; however, it did make me smile.  Even as surprising as part of the conversation with Joshua was, it still let me know that I have had an impact during my stay here.  And maybe Tyler will come with me on the next trip.  I certainly woulnd’t complain.  Everybody here wants to meet Tyler.  They’ve told me multiple times that he should come when I make my next trip.  I must talk about him a lot.  (Surprising, right?  Haha)  Reminder #2 of the day that I’m not invisible.

We had devotions with the team later that night, and Kate and Zoe were allowed to stay with Manda and me until 9:30pm.  Before 9:30 rolled around, Melissa came to our room to tell us a story.  Yes, here comes reminder #3.

Redando and Roman both went to devotions that night.  Neither of them speak English, but they still went.  After devotions were over, Redando asked Melissa if he could go to devotion time every night.  She told him, “Sure!”  Then she asked him why.  He said that he liked one of the girls.  Now let me explain . . . he said he did not like her as in a crush.  Melissa asked him.  He just generally liked one of the girls, but he did not know her name.  He told Melissa that she was here all the time though, so that narrowed it down to 2: Manda and me.  Manda shared her testimony that night, so Melissa asked Redando if it was the girl who was speaking that night.  He told her it was the other one.  Reminder #3 that I’m not invisible.

Part of the song “Invisible” by Disciple comes to my mind:

“I need you to believe me.  Can you trust me that what you see is not what I see?  The reflection in the mirror’s telling lies ‘cause nothing you have done can change how much I love you…There’s a place where the broken go.  There’s a room full of second chances.  You’re not stranded on your own.  You’re not invisible.”

I really did need a reminder on that day that I do matter, that I am seen, that I’m not invisible.  God’s timing really is perfect timing.  I am so thankful that He loves me and that He always sees me.