Always Perfect, Always There

Preface: I never did get around to writing the other blogs about my time in the Dominican Republic. Next week, I am sharing with some students from school about my experience.  There may be a blog to follow.

It really is amazing to see how God works. The little ways usually end up being the big ways. Just one conversation, one small experience can change your whole perspective. It can give you what you need to keep going when you feel like giving up. These moments that show you that you are not alone . . . those are the ones I'm talking about. 

The past few weeks have been full of life's curve balls: family illness, a computer crash, unexpected family happenings, a washing machine mishap, and some other personal things. All of this was combined with school and other responsibilities. I had gotten to a point that I felt like I was living on the outside of my own life. It's difficult to explain the feeling I had of being alive but not really living.

Even through it all, God still has perfect timing. Through an already-established friendship and a new friendship, He has shown me that I really am not alone. It's through my friends and family that He constantly reminds me that I have been called to medicine; and I know I will make it through.  Here lately, He's been seeping out in conversations I have with my friends. I find myself grasping onto little words of wisdom and pondering them. So much inspiration can come from one small moment in time. It's amazing.

There really is more to life than what we can see because God is always working. 

This really isn't even making sense in my head as I type it because I'm so tired, so I may add to this later . . . and believe me, it was so much more eloquent in my head before I sat down to type it.  But I felt like this needed to be said.

God is always present. His timing is always perfect. His Love is perfect and casts out fear. He is always with us, always fighting for us. All things really do work together for good. God makes sure of it. He loves each of His children unconditionally. He will never love us any less. And He puts people in our lives to remind us of it.

For all of that (plus more), I am so very thankful.

Not Invisible

I need to be better about writing blogs and posting them before a week has passed.  This one is about things that happened 6 days ago.  It’s still worth sharing though!

My entire life, I have struggled with feeling like nobody notices me, that I am completely invisible.  Whenever someone new appeared in my life, I would automatically put myself on the back burner because I thought that’s what would happen anyway.  Throughout my childhood, I lived in shadows of other people.  I never understood why some people wished they could be invisible because I knew how unpleasant the feeling was.  Well, that same feeling crept in here in the Dominican Republic . . . but God reminded me last Tuesday (June 19) that I am not invisible and what I do matters.

Last Tuesday was the first full day that the second summer team was here at Chadasha.  The group was from Carlisle, Arkansas, and shared a lot of love with all of the children while they were here.  The first morning that they were at the children’s home, they brought face paint, watercolor paints, and Play-Doh.  The children definitely loved every second of it, but it did get a little messy.  Eventually, Play-Doh was being painted, there was paint water on the floor, and nearly everyone had something painted on their face. 

There were some little cookie cutters with the Play-Doh, and many children were making shapes out of them.  Some children were giving them away.  Manda and I both received a green heart from Anderson.  Line also gave me a heart.  Reminder #1 of the day that I’m not invisible.

After dinner that night, I was out hanging clothes to dry at team housing.  Sidebar: Laundry happens a lot here, a whole lot.  Joshua (picture below) was on his way back to the other side of campus for the night.  On his way down the stairs, we had a conversation.  It went like this:

Joshua:  Dana, I wish you lived here.

Me:  I wish I lived here too.  Maybe one day I will, and Tyler will be with me.  Then you’ll have another guy to play with.

Joshua:  And you’ll be here to play with too!!

Me:  Yes, I will.

Joshua:  And then you will birth a child, and I’ll have a baby to play with!!  I hope it’s a boy.  I want a baby boy to play with.

I did not expect him to say that, so I was at a loss for words.  (Vanderly, he is definitely your son.)  I continued the conversation:

Me:  My mom should be with me when I come back in December, and Tyler might come too.  

Joshua:  Then you and Tyler can get married here!!

Again, I was not expecting that; however, it did make me smile.  Even as surprising as part of the conversation with Joshua was, it still let me know that I have had an impact during my stay here.  And maybe Tyler will come with me on the next trip.  I certainly woulnd’t complain.  Everybody here wants to meet Tyler.  They’ve told me multiple times that he should come when I make my next trip.  I must talk about him a lot.  (Surprising, right?  Haha)  Reminder #2 of the day that I’m not invisible.

We had devotions with the team later that night, and Kate and Zoe were allowed to stay with Manda and me until 9:30pm.  Before 9:30 rolled around, Melissa came to our room to tell us a story.  Yes, here comes reminder #3.

Redando and Roman both went to devotions that night.  Neither of them speak English, but they still went.  After devotions were over, Redando asked Melissa if he could go to devotion time every night.  She told him, “Sure!”  Then she asked him why.  He said that he liked one of the girls.  Now let me explain . . . he said he did not like her as in a crush.  Melissa asked him.  He just generally liked one of the girls, but he did not know her name.  He told Melissa that she was here all the time though, so that narrowed it down to 2: Manda and me.  Manda shared her testimony that night, so Melissa asked Redando if it was the girl who was speaking that night.  He told her it was the other one.  Reminder #3 that I’m not invisible.

Part of the song “Invisible” by Disciple comes to my mind:

“I need you to believe me.  Can you trust me that what you see is not what I see?  The reflection in the mirror’s telling lies ‘cause nothing you have done can change how much I love you…There’s a place where the broken go.  There’s a room full of second chances.  You’re not stranded on your own.  You’re not invisible.”

I really did need a reminder on that day that I do matter, that I am seen, that I’m not invisible.  God’s timing really is perfect timing.  I am so thankful that He loves me and that He always sees me.

Heartbreaking Medicine

First, a short background on Dominican medicine: 
In the initial physician-patient conversation, it is custom for the physician to be behind a desk more or less interviewing the patient about medical history, symptoms, etc.  Then, if considered necessary, the doctor has the patient move to the table for a physical examination, injection, or wound dressing.  If the doctor believes he/she can make a diagnosis from appearance and symptoms alone, a medication may be prescribed sans physical exam.  Yes, it’s a bit different than American custom; however, I do find it interesting.

 

Now for the story:

At lunch on Friday (June 22), John mentioned to Matthew, Andrew, and I that the doctor here at the Chadasha clinic, Yirdana (pronounced jeer-donna), was swamped and needed some assistance.  Matthew and I are both medical students; Andrew is fluent in Spanish and has been holding English, Spanish, and guitar classes with older children.  He was going with us to serve as a translator if Matthew and I needed it.  The three of us walked back to team housing after lunch, readied ourselves for some clinic work, and headed downstairs.  I was not prepared for some things I was about to see.

The patient at that time was a man who had an ulcerated sore on his lower leg.  Yirdana cleaned the wound with iodine and dressed it.  Matthew and I had the opportunity to clean and dress a spider-bite-turned-small-crater in a man’s ankle.  I learned that brown sugar can be put in an open wound to keep bacteria from growing.  Matthew and I observed other patients including a woman with a urinary tract infection and a little girl with bacterial conjunctivitis.  Then our last patient came in . . .

On Thursday, a little boy was burned with scalding water on most of his right arm and two areas each on his chest and head.  His mother put toothpaste on the burn after it happened because she thought it would help cool the arm.  The little boy was brought in Thursday by his mother, and the wound was debrided and dressed.  I was not in the clinic on Thursday, so my first time seeing him was Friday afternoon.  I was unaware of how bad the injury was until Yirdana and I were taking the bandage off of the boy’s arm.  A whole area around his elbow was just pink flesh.  There was no epidermis left on it.  The rest of his arm was covered with skin, but I could tell it was not attached.  His skin was just lying on his arm. 

As I was irrigating his arm, I was holding back tears.  Watching the little boy and his mother both cry made everything even more difficult for me.  I was determined to hold it together even if that meant falling apart after I left the clinic.  We cleaned and dressed the wound, then sent the boy and his mother home.  Yirdana told the mother to bring the boy back on Saturday at 2pm to clean and dress the wound again.

Yirdana actually went to the little boy’s house on Saturday to discover that his parents had removed the bandages and covered the burn with charred bread crumbs.  They thought the charred bread would dry up the wound, when in reality it only hurt the boy more.  When they removed the bandages, the rest of the boy’s skin came off all the way to his wrist.  The boy was brought back to the clinic to clean his arm and put new bandages on.  Yirdana told the boy’s mother to keep the dressing on the wound and that she would return on Sunday.

Today, I rode with Poppo to the boy’s house.  We met Yirdana there. 

She and I walked into the house, she felt of the little boy’s forehead, and she immediately said “He has a fever.  He needs to go to the clinic.”  It was so quick that Poppo didn't even have time to get inside the house before we were coming out.  The boy's mother was not at home at the time, so we loaded the boy and his father into the truck.  Off to the clinic we went.  I ran upstairs to put some scrub pants and tennis shoes on before assisting Yirdana and Poppo with cleaning and redressing the wound. 

The little boy never screamed.  He did cry and whimper.  He had a fever of 102.5^oF and was trembling part of the time.  Fortunately, his arm did not appear to be infected; however, he did have a productive cough.  After dressing the wound today, Yirdana took the boy to the local Jimaní hospital in hopes that he could be admitted for the night.  Otherwise, he was going to be driven to Barahona about 90 minutes away from here.  I assume he was admitted in Jimaní because Yirdana did not come back to ask John to drive to Barahona today.

I held it together again today while I was in the clinic, but the tears came after I had a little time to process everything.  It is heartbreaking that this little boy has to deal with so much pain.  It is a struggle for me that most people here don’t understand how the body works and many rely on witch doctors for advice.  This is good experience for me, but it is not something that I want to see.  In the same respect, I know that I am called to be a doctor . . . and I am going to see similar things as a doctor in America.  It still doesn’t make it easy.

Please be praying for this little boy and his family.  By Jesus’ stripes, we were and are healed!! 

No Scabies For Me!!

Have you ever bathed with sulfur soap? No? Ok, let’s try another question.
Have you ever covered yourself in permethrin cream? No??

Well, you are certainly missing out on a lot of fun.

 

Last night, I was given the smelly opportunity of both the sulfur soap and permethrin cream.  Even as I went to bed last night, I could still smell myself.  It wasn’t the best aroma in the world, but it was much better than getting scabies!!

Warning: Nerdy medical school knowledge is about to be shared!

For those of you who do not know, scabies (scientific name: Sarcoptes scabiei hominis) is a mite that burrows into a person’s skin and causes an itchy rash.  It basically digs tunnels under the skin and is spread by person-to-person contact.  Scabies does not go away unless it is treated.  Typically, permethrin cream is prescribed.  It kills the mites that are in the skin.  Permethrin can also be used as a preventative measure as well since it usually takes a long time for people to develop the itch or rash from scabies.

And so you know what it looks like under a microscope, here’s a lovely picture for your perusal. (Thank you, Dr. Kunegelis, for teaching me about this!!)

Can you say ugly???

We have found out recently that many of the children have scabies.  Some are on antibiotics for it (TMP/SMX for those of you who are interested).  All of us, whether we have scabies or not, have taken a sulfur soap bath and covered ourselves in permethrin.  Yes, all 45 children and all of the adults.  All bed sheets and clothes have been washed.  It has been an adventure. 

On Wednesday morning, Vanderly and I bathed 8 children between the two of us with the sulfur loveliness.  Fortunately for me, the 4 children that I bathed love water.  I had fun with them.  Getting a couple of them to put clothes on afterwards . . . now that was another story.  Nana and Manda bathed some more of the children.  John took care of the older boys over the past couple days.  He also found out one of the new boys is afraid of water.  It has made for some fun stories.  I’m pretty sure all of us have been peed on now, myself included.

As of today, all of us except for 2 of the teenage boys have been bathed and creamed.  Now we get to wait for all of the scabies to disappear!!  One good thing about scabies treatment is you only have to do it once.  If it’s still around after 2 weeks, some of the children may be treated again.  I’m believing that this treatment will take care of everything!  And those of us who didn’t have scabies will not get it. 

Yeah, I’m having so many new adventures here.  I really am loving it.

¡Jesús es nuestro sanidor!

(Jesus is our healer!)

Joy Will Follow

Today is my 17^th day in Jimaní.  My time here is halfway over.  I can already tell it is going to be difficult to leave. These children are touching my life more than they know and possibly more than I yet realize. Even more so, both missionary families here are making a huge impact on my life. 

The Hanleys (left to right: Kate, Maicol, John, Melissa) have lived in the Dominican Republic for almost 6 years.  They moved to Jimaní nearly two years ago to run this Chadasha location.  John and Melissa both have a huge heart for serving the Lord.  All of the children love them; you can hear Melissa’s name called at least 100 times a day.  (In reality, it’s probably much more than that.) 

The story of how they came to live here is remarkable.  It is full of God speaking and provisions following.  They certainly heeded the Voice of God in their journey and were blessed because of it.  I heard their testimony for the first time when I was here in December, but I received so much more from it hearing it again this summer. 

It always blows my mind when God speaks to me through other people.  That certainly happened this week when the Hanleys were sharing their story of becoming full-time missionaries in Jimaní.  Some of the questions they asked themselves and the preconceived opinions they had before moving to the Dominican Republic are similar to questions and opinions I have had.  John also made the point that not all missions are abroad.  I know I have been called to missions, but I also know that part of that will be in America.  There is one state in particular that keeps coming up over and over again; however, I do not know when the time will come that Tyler and I are sent there.  But I do know that time will come. 

It was extremely encouraging to see how God has blessed the Hanley family during their time in the Dominican.  Joy and provision have followed them wherever they go because they are following the Voice of God.  They are an inspiration, and I am blessed to know them.

The Arnolds (Top: Zoe, Stephen, Joshua; Bottom left: Vanderly; Bottom right: Eliana) just moved here on May 8, 2012, and are still getting used to life in the Dominican Republic away from friends and family back home.  The children are especially having a difficult time being away from what they knew as home for so many years.  Stephen and Vanderly have been such a blessing to me while I’ve been here.  They get the heart of the father.  They really get it.  As a family, they diligently seek after what God wants for them . . . and He answers.  I am awestruck by their faithfulness, yet at the same time, it fills me with excitement to know that there is so much more to the Father than what I have already encountered.

The conversations with Vanderly and Stephen stick out in my mind like giant strobe lights flashing in my face.  It’s like God is saying, “Don’t you get it??  THIS IS PART OF WHY YOU ARE HERE!!!!  You needed to know all of this.  You desired this discipleship.  You came here completely unaware of the blessings that awaited you.  This is how much I love you.  I provide what you need even when you least expect it.”  Both of them pouring into my life has been . . . amazing!! That’s even too light of a word, but I can’t think of something else to describe it.  God really does have perfect timing and always knows exactly what I need.  After all, the best conversations happen in the middle of the night. 

The Arnolds have definitely followed God’s voice as well.  They spent a year and a half of their lives in preparation for moving here.  They chose to seek God and listen to Him for everything in their lives as a family.  It is astonishing how they really did turn everything over to God.  It is a wonderful story of faith and provision.  Words truly cannot express how much I have learned from their family.  I absolutely love their children and definitely look up to Stephen and Vanderly as godly role models for marriage and parenthood.

Although the Arnold children are still having a difficult time away from home, they know that joy will follow because they are following what God has called them to as a family.  Right now, it is hard for them to understand why they are no longer living in America and are so far from friends and family, but I know that God will bring comfort, joy, and peace.  All three of the Arnold children have captured my heart.  They are beautiful on the inside and out.  They are strong.  They are children of the King.  God is already working through them here.  Zoe, Joshua, and Eliana have made my experience here in Jimaní more impactful than if they weren’t here.  They really are here for a reason: to change lives, just like they have changed mine. 

If I had to capture both of the families in a quote, it would be this:

If the Hanleys and Arnolds did not heed the Voice of God over their lives, their destinies would be so vastly different from what they are today.  They heard the voice of God and made the decision to follow His calling.  Their destinies were shaped by the decision to say “Yes” to God . . . and joy has and will continue to follow them wherever God leads them.  They are an inspiration for me to continue to follow what God has for me.  His calling is greater than what I can imagine.  Following Him is an adventure, and I’m ready for the journey.


I really did come here expecting only to give love to the children and receive love from the children.  I didn’t expect to be touched by God in a much deeper way by people I had never met.  There’s so much more to experience spiritually in my next 17 days here.  What else could God have for me here?  I don’t yet know what, but I know that it will be much more than I could ever imagine. 

I really do believe that the best is yet to come.

Jimaní Rain. Redemption Rain.

I am currently experiencing my very first Jimaní rain, and it is lovely.  It is only a gentle showering, but it really is wonderful.  Lightning has lit up the sky for a few nights now accompanied by a little thunder, but today is the first day of rain since I arrived.  We’ve been waiting for this.

Rain, especially in a place where there is normally little rain, always carries much significance with me.  Rain replenishes the soil, giving nourishment to seeds.  It allows plants to grow and bloom, increasing the beauty of the earth.  It settles dirt and dust in the air and brings about a clean, refreshing feeling.  All of this is in the natural, but the same can be said for the spiritual. 

Even as the rain falls in the physical, I believe there is spiritual rain falling as well.  God is washing away past hurts and false identities that have lingered in me.  I’ve been on the journey of letting God heal me for years now, but there have always been certain parts that I harbor from God because I’m scared what wholeness and change will look like.  That fear is no longer present.  I know that my God is good.  He wants to prosper me and heal me.  He wants to make me new.  He is calling me to move to a higher place in Him, a place full of redemption and love. 

As Jonathan David and Melissa Helser put it so eloquently:

“Won’t you come up here, come up high?  Won’t you sing His praise, let it rise up from the ashes and all your pain?  Won’t you come and dance in redemption’s rain?  Come up here.  Redemption rain is falling down, down, down.  Redemption love is pouring out, out, out.  Redemption song is singing la, la, la.  He’s singing la, la,la.  Won’t you come up here, come up now?  Won’t you leave your worries below the clouds, and let His beauty fill your lungs?  The heavenly chorus, it has begun.  Come up here.  Oh, Love be in my bones.  Love shake down my walls.  Love be in my bones!  Love shake down my walls!”

God sent His Love, His Son Jesus, to earth to set the captives free and heal the sick.  That included me.  His rain is falling.  He has redeemed me.  I am free.

Tonight, I will be sharing part of my redemption story with the team.  Some things have never been shared with a group of people.  Some things have not been shared with anyone before.  I had been praying for a couple days about what I needed to share with the group (there is so much that could be shared!), and God showed me last night what it was.  A moment of fear struck me because it will be a new experience to share with a large group.  However, I have chosen to be faithful and share what the Lord has showed me.  Somebody needs to hear it.  I pray that He speaks through me tonight.

I am excited for what is to come!

Mi Día Enfermo

Translation: My Sick Day

For the past 3 days, my stomach has not wanted to be cooperative with me, especially during the morning.  Today, that feeling has lasted all day long.  This certainly has not been a typical day here for me since I’ve spent most of my time in my and Manda’s room sleeping and eating crackers. 

Manda and I woke up this morning shortly after the team did.  (Our first summer team arrived Tuesday night.  They will be here until Monday afternoon when they switch out with our second team.  The current team is made up of 7 adults and around 10 teenagers from a church in Michigan.)  Teams are generally served an American-style breakfast; today, Yenebel had made pancakes.  It didn’t take long after my two small flapjacks for the sick feeling to hit me . . . again.  The past couple days, if I sat still for a few minutes, the feeling would subside.  That method didn’t work today.

I ended up staying in the room this morning and told Manda that I would be down at the children’s home later in the morning.  I had all intentions of being there by lunch so I could spend some time with the children.  After lying in the bed and listening to the always-inspiring David Crowder Band for a few minutes, I fell asleep.  I woke up a couple hours later feeling better than I had earlier in the morning.  I thought all was well.

So down to the children’s home I went . . .

Once I got down to the home, Karina spotted me and yelled my name.  (I really do love those girls!!)  I was still feeling better than earlier, so I kept going about my day.  I walked around and talked to a few of the children and made sure to get abrazos (hugs) from Kimberly, Yohana, and Karina.  I spent some time laughing at silly little Maikens wearing my sunglasses.  Eventually, I couldn’t really find anything to do since the team had most of the children occupied, so I decided to go upstairs to say hello to Vanderly. 

I still felt ok when I got upstairs, but not 100%.  A few minutes after sitting in the apartment, that feeling hit me again . . . but worse.  Vanderly could look at my face and tell.  So off to the bathroom I went after being warned by Vanderly to “enter at your own risk.”  (Vanderly, you make me laugh.)  My stomach was churning and hurt pretty bad by that point, and I started dripping sweat.  I was almost to the point of tears because 1. I did not feel well at all, 2. I knew I wouldn’t be able to spend time with the children, and 3. I got absolutely no relief in the bathroom.  It was not pleasant.

Cue Vanderly to the rescue!! No, really, she came to the rescue with probiotics, vitamins, and Powerade. I just sat and stared at them for a couple minutes still sweating and with hands shaking.  Off to the bathroom I went for a second time.  I ended up making 3 trips to el baño before I left the Arnold’s apartment and headed back over to team housing.  I showered off, put on some dry clothes, and curled up in the bed for yet another nap.

One Dominican Gatorade, 4 packs of crackers, and around a 2-hour nap later, here I sit . . . still in my room.  I’ve fussed at myself a couple times today for not feeling well even though I know it was something I could not control.  I’m here to serve for only a short period of time, and it upset me some that I was out of commission for a day.  Thankfully, I am feeling better now, but I’m not quite feeling like myself yet.  Moving around a lot makes my stomach hurt more.  All of this will pass.

I’m ready to eat some rice tonight even if that’s all I eat.  I really do think my body has gotten used to rice and beans twice a day, every day.  I actually look forward to rice and beans.  Maybe the Americanized food over the past couple days has been the culprit.  Who knows.  All that matters is I was healed when Jesus died on the cross.  This feeling is not permanent.  I have a purpose here and will continue to live it out.

I know that something good will come out of this.  God always works that way.

Update: On the way down here to the children's home to post this and check email, Vanderly and Melissa both said I look better.  I'm no longer pale/yellow tinted!  Yay!!  Now my stomach just needs to get in order.

Love > Words

I arrived in Jimani, Dominican Republic, around 10pm on Tuesday. At least I think it was 10pm. I was exhausted. But it only took about 5 seconds before I was given a hug by one of the little girls. Yeah, I'm in the right place.

By the way, in case you didn't know, it's gorgeous here.

Yesterday was a long day. I woke up around 8:30 and started my trek from the clinic to the children's home around 9:05am.  Manda and I spent the next few hours until lunch loving on the kids.  My camera and watch were popular for quite a while, and the boys took turns with my camera until the batteries died. 

Tree climbing, swinging, checkers, dominoes, and just flat-out running in circles are how the days are spent.  Every once in a while, the older boys will play baseball or kick around a soccer ball.  Spiderman and Home Alone are a couple of the popular movies with the kids.

It's funny to listen to some of the boys.  Yesterday afternoon before dinner, I heard one of the boys say, "Hasta la vista, baby!"  It was repeated multiple times by a couple other boys.  I just sat and laughed because I knew the phrase came from an American movie, yet it was in Spanish. 


Now to the point of the actual blog...
When you are somewhere that you can barely communicate with words because of a language barrier, you realize even more how actions truly do speak louder than words.  I speak little Spanish (although sometimes I remember a lot more than I think) and no Creole, but that doesn' treally matter here.  What matters more is that I am able to show love to all of these children.  Just pushing them in the swing or pulling them around while they hang on to my leg gives them a huge smile. 

A couple of the little children, Yinancia and Maikens, both like to be in my lap at the same time.  If Maikens sees Yinancia in my lap, here he comes to sit on the other leg. 

All of the children here love to be loved . . . and I have love to give.  It really is a blessing to be able to spend time with these children and the missionary families.  It's only the second day here, and I'm already learning more than I ever thought I would.  It's the little things that are teaching me the most.  I know I am called to missions.  Being here has definitely confirmed that, just like it did in December. 

This is going to be a fantastic journey over the next 5 weeks.  I pray that instead of it being like drinking from a fire hydrant, it will be like  a trickle into a sponge.  I want to be able to absorb the little details of what God is showing and teaching me as well as what He is preparing me for.

I'm learning more of how to be a servant. 

I really am learning to live, to live the way God intended.

Looking Forward

Since it is currently 1:40am, this will be my last post of the night/early morning.  It may not contain everything that was originally intended to be in this blog post.  It may be short.  But at least I'm finally writing it.

In less than 30 hours, I will be leaving for a five-week missions internship in the Dominican Republic.  I have not packed.  I have not finished the books I wanted to read in preparation for serving in a different culture.  Quite honestly, there's a lot that I haven't completed that won't be completed before I leave.  Nonetheless, I am looking forward to the experience.

I believe God has spent the past 23 years of my life (yes, that would be my whole life) preparing me for this opportunity.  Last December was my first mission trip experience, the first of many.  This will the first time I have spent longer than a week outside of the country in 8 years, the first time for missions. 

I am excited and nervous.  There are other emotions involved, but those are the main two.  Maybe anxious is a better word than nervous.  I know this experience is going to be wonderful, incredible, life changing, unforgettable, among other descriptors.  I am so thankful that God has chosen me to walk this path.  I am blessed to have this opportunity.

I am looking forward to what is going to happen in the next 5 weeks . . . the people I will meet, the friends I will make, the lives I will be able to pour into, the resulting effects on me . . . the list could go on.  It's hard to believe it's already time for me to leave.  This is going to be one amazing journey :)

Overwhelmed (In a good way)

I have been meaning to post this for weeks. Literally. But every time that I sat down, I never picked up a computer to type out my thoughts. Believe me, there are many blog posts written in my head that never make it to the World Wide Web. Most of them are written while driving . . . those times when I can unfortunately not put words on paper or a computer screen. Anyway, I digress.

Since I am so far behind in what I have been wanting to say, there may be a small string of blogs posted tonight (this morning?). Then again, since it is after midnight, I might fall asleep sometime soon. We shall see.



Nearly three weeks ago, I completed my first year of medical school. This was the toughest academic semester I have ever been through. I remember being rather stressed in some semesters of undergrad, but it never seemed this bad. I spent many nights at wit's end in tears, struggling to get everything in my brain for the next upcoming test that was always around the corner. Thankfully, I have a fantastic mom, boyfriend, and close friends who constantly reminded me that God was always with me. They listened to me cry, vent, and sometimes even want to quit. But they still encouraged me when I needed it most.  Mama and Tyler especially would not let me forget that this is what I am called to do.  Everything will be great in the end.

It's so easy to NOT believe encouragement like that when it is spoken in the midst of tough times . . .

In the deepest parts of me, I knew they were right.  But I let the stress get to me so much that I forgot that God was always there, always providing, always loving me.  I really did need that encouragement from my family and friends.  The encouragement and the (sometimes irritating) reminders that God was there. (Irritating in the sense that I knew they were right, but it took SO MUCH FAITH to actually live and believe it. I guess in a way, it was easier to have a pity party rather than be strong in my faith.)

Even after I really grasped the fact that God is always with me, I still had those times of doubt all the way up to the final block exam.  I walked out of that exam feeling great about one subject and iffy on the other two.  See, before the exam, I had a B average in one class and a C average in the other two classes.  I was passing everything (Praise the Lord!!!), but I was not where I wanted to be. 

My goal: Bring at least one of the C's to a B, and do the best possible in the class I had a B in.



I studied nearly all night long (not the smartest idea) and walked into the test knowing that I had studied enough to pass everything.  But had I done enough to reach my goal?  When I walked out of the test, I did not feel like I had done enough.  (Sidenote: my mama's voice just went through my head saying, "We don't confess or act on how we feel. We act on what we know.")  I would not allow myself to speak negatively about the situation.  I thanked God for getting me through the test successfully.

Then all I could do was wait . . .

Exam grades came out that Thursday (I think), but I didn't check my email and grades until Friday.  I remember nervously sitting there in Tyler's kitchen in anticipation. 

Checked the physiology grade: Passed!

Checked the pharmacology grade: Passed!!

Checked the virology/parasitology/immunology grade: Passed!!!

Goal: ACCOMPLISHED!!!

I was so excited that I was almost in tears.  The first year of medical school was over . . . successfully.

I remember going over to sit on the couch feeling so overwhelmed and thankful for all that God brought me through in the past year.  Then I heard Him say, "Didn't I tell you that I would always be with you?"  I was so awestruck in that moment.  God did tell me that He would always be with me.  He did, over and over again.  And I lost faith.  I didn't completely trust Him.  Yet he stayed with me. 

He was still faithful, even when I was faithless.

That truth overwhelmed me even more.  All those times that I don't acknowledge that God is there in the midst of everything, He still remains with me.  Those times when I lose faith, hope, and trust in Him, He is still with me.  Those times that I think it's a better idea to rely on myself instead of Him (which it never is), He remains faithfully by my side.

Even now just thinking of how faithful God is and how much He loves each of His children, I am overwhelmed.  But it is definitely a good overwhelmed.  I like feeling the love of my Father.  It is refreshing.  It is healing.  It is perfect.  It is Love.

Final grades have not been posted yet, but my goal has already been reach and may indeed be surpassed.  Funny how God does that . . . surpasses our goals.  Sometimes we just don't think big enough for God.  Thankfully, He thinks big even when we don't.  I'm expecting great things.  And I know the next year of medical school will be even better because I have learned to rely on God more . . . and I know He is always with me.  Leading me.  Loving me.

Weekend Nostalgia

There are so many things to praise God about!! I came out of my test confident, which has not happened lately. We do not have our grades yet, but I still feel confident that I did well on all 3 subjects. Glory to God!!!

After Thursday, the weekend was basically here (other than the 4 lectures we had Friday morning). Tyler arrived Thursday afternoon, and we went out for pizza and rented a movie. We're such a cool couple! (He and I both agree to that statement even if other people don't) :P It was definitely amazing to be able to spend time with Tyler. Usually when we see each other, I'm frantically studying for yet another test. This time, he came right after the test. It was glorious!

Friday, we had DCOM Spring Gala. Yes, I had quite a few freakout moments before Gala (such as I hate formals, I can't do anything with my hair, why am I going to this, what is the point)...you know, usual tomboy freakout moments. Poor Tyler had to deal with me acting crazy. I am so glad he is patient with me :)
Once we got to Gala, got dressed, my hair was done (Thank you, Denielle!!), make-up on, jewelry on (yeah, I don't do this dress-up thing often), things got a little better. Dinner was great! Seeing everyone dressed up was really nice.

But the best thing about the whole night was getting to spend it with my friends . . .



My friends mean the world to me. Really. Without my friends, I would not have made it through these past few months. They are the ones who keep me going. Some of them in particular are always reminding me of how faithful God is and that He is always on my side. It's the little things that mean the most . . . an email, text, or a hug sometimes mean more than words can say.

I know my friends already know how much I love them, but they deserve to be reminded every day how much they mean to me. I went through a few years of life with few friends. Now I have the greatest friends anyone could ask for!

Just a few pictures from Gala . . .

 The adorable Sara & Phil. Love them!

 Kayce, Jeremy, me, Tyler

 The gorgeous Sara

 And the gorgeous Megan

 Me with the girls of Georgetown College. Denielle, Megan, and Sara all went to undergrad together, but I feel like I've been part of their lives for years even though I'm the new girl.

 Tyler always wins something everywhere he goes. This time was no different :)

 It's not every day that Tyler and I get to go out like this. I definitely enjoyed having him here for a few days. He left 6.5 hours ago, and I already miss him.

 Omair and I representing the state of NC!!



We were missing Phil & Sara, but we got the other 2 couples together. Love you, Megan & Jordan!

There are so many other memories made this weekend. Just getting to spend 3 days with Tyler made it memorable. Yes, it's sappy but true. We've known each other for almost 6 years now and have been dating for less than a year of it . . . but I certainly couldn't imagine life without him. He knows me better than anybody else, and we keep learning more about each other. Our relationship is like none other I've seen, and I mean that in a good way! I'm definitely looking forward to all the amazing memories we are going to make together :)


Well, tomorrow we have Part 2 of Thursday's test. Apparently 6 questions were left off of the test, so we have to answer those after 4 hours of lecture tomorrow morning. That's just the beginning of a long Monday, so I should get some sleep.

I know for a fact that I will be thanking God for my amazing friends tonight. Life truly wouldn't be the same without them.

God has blessed me beyond measure. Lord, I can never thank you enough for all you do for me.

10 Hours...

My next exam is in 10 hours, but I have not yet been through all of the material. Right now, I am tired. It's 10:12 p.m., but it feels so much later. On the inside, my spirit is crying out to God for help.

I'm trying to listen to Him as to what needs to be done tonight and when I need to just call it a night. Unfortunately, I feel like I will only be at school for one more hour before I head back to my apartment to shower and sleep. There's so much more material to get through though...

However, I know God is with me. He knows how much effort I have put forth. He has brought me through before. He will bring me through again. He is faithful, and I trust Him more than I trust myself.

With the help from my Father, I will conquer this exam!

After all, I am more than a conqueror.

Faithful

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy -- think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me -- put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you."

-Phillipians 4:4-9 (NIV)

This passage is definitely one of the ones I have been stuck on for a few weeks. It's amazing how you can look at such a familiar Scripture in a new light when you really read it for yourself. Many of us know the passage, or at least part of it, but I got to the point that I rarely actively read the Word. Yeah, I would read Scripture, but I failed to read to understand it. Basically, reading became a chore rather than a way to learn the heart of the Father.

But now, let me tell you . . . actively reading the Word is SO much more -- everything! Now I want to read the word daily. I want to discover the words that I have never read. I want to fully understand what God is trying to tell us. Ok, I may never fully understand everything in the Bible, but I certainly want to seek out what God is saying.

As for this passage . . .

It has the overwhelming point that God is faithful. Not everyone would read it that way, but I do. For God to give you peace when you put anxiety aside and present your requests to him and thank Him, He is faithful. What's even better is that He provides peace that doesn't make sense to other people. In medical school, I certainly know what that looks like. A few weeks ago, I was completely anxious and in tears over a test I had the next day that I did not feel at all prepared for. Now, I have a test in about 36 hours and have so much more peace than I did before the last test. No, I don't know everything that has been presented in our many lectures, but my prayer life and faithfulness in reading the Word has improved. And I'm learning to live by God's leading.

I guess a lot of what I'm saying is God was faithful to me even when I wasn't faithful to him. That test that I did not feel prepared for . . . I passed every subject. When I found that out, I cried and praised God for his faithfulness! Countless times, I have been left awestruck at God's provisions for His children. He has not failed me, and He never will.

My goal: to become a more faithful servant to my Father who deserves everything I could ever give him, plus more.

Have I mentioned how good it feels to be blogging again? I've missed being able to share how amazing God is.